My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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