Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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