After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
