Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
