I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
