Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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