put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
