I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I enjoy the company of your penis
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
