I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
