it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
