i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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