i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
