Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
