Pregnant stripper...not hot.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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