i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
