Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
