I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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