I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I booty called her while she was in labor.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
