i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
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bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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