shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
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