He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
