my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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