Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
