I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
How's work?
Spinning.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
