He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
This house was built for laser tag.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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