I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
