Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
