i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
