I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
