bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
