OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This baby is an asshole
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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