Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
