You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
