the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
