Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
