why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
