i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
