it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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