the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
