i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
