Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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