I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
