But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
