One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
