I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize