i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Boobs are out for the taking
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
