There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
