Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
