hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
