just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she pinky promised me she was 18
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
