We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
