take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
