guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
