So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
