I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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