I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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