This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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