I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
