i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
