Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
