OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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