paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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